The Truth About Life As A Parent & A Creative
an honest review on four years of living life as both
I hope you’ve all had a wonderful week and you are settled in somewhere ready to enjoy today’s newsletter.
If you don’t have children and you just don’t care about this topic, I honestly do not judge you at all because before I had kids I was only semi interested in hearing about parenthood etc. and I was mostly just wrapped up in myself.
I’m not sure if I wished I had paid more attention so that I knew what I was in for, or that I’m glad I lapped up all those years of indulging myself, my interests and whatever I wanted to do…
We’ve been watching Game Of Thrones in the Lumen household for the last few months and whilst I’m aware how late to the party I am, I can’t help but reference the show even though your memory of it may be foggy, because it’s consuming my life a little right now!
I didn’t think I would vibe with the show but I’m totally addicted to the traumatic cliffhanger each episode brings and must keep watching in the hope for, dare I say it, a happy ending?
Anyway, back to kids…
So before you have kids, everyone who already has kids tells you about the chaos that is to come, whether it’s a brutal birth story, the Oscar winning performance that is a toddler meltdown, or just the day to day sacrifices you make because you are now wholly responsible for someone else’s entire life.
They tell you, but you don’t fully grasp these concepts until you see Beyond The Wall.
Before I continue my GOT analogy I want to let you know that the images you see in today’s newsletter have all been scanned with the nifty VALOI EASY35 home scanning equipment. Lux and I had so much fun digging out old negatives and taking a trip down memory lane.
The physicality of film, whether you get/make prints or you just hang onto your negs, is such a joyous part of the experience. Having the ability to rescan these negatives so we have a high resolution file to keep and print is very freeing too. I’ll talk a little bit more about VALOI below, however if you are interested in exploring this option for your scanning workflow you can click this link to get 10% off the kit.
Back to my GOT analogy which is quite unfair to children but I’m feeling tested in the area of parenting lately so it seems a fair and just comparison to make.
Only the people that have seen, like physically seen with their own eyes, the army of the dead and the Whitewalkers that lurk beyond the wall actually believe they exist, let alone realise the magnitude of terror they can reign down on the seven kingdoms.
And it’s kind of like that when you crossover into becoming a parent. You’ve seen things that non parents couldn’t believe and you’re busy trying to explain what it’s like now you’ve trekked beyond the wall. The people who don’t have kids feel a million miles from you and the ones that do are too busy to spend time with you in the way they did before.
Being a photographer is quite a lonely art practise, especially if you enjoy shooting how I do which is just wandering around Eggleston style. Being a parent to small children can also be, in its own unique way, quite isolating as well.
For better or worse, my world has gotten a lot smaller since we went from a duo to a trio. I’ve had to cull some hobbies, habits and long held rituals in favour of other more family friendly things and so has Lux.
The things I poured myself into were photography and my YouTube channel, which gave the photography a purpose and an end point, both of which I really needed in order to preserve my creative identity beyond the wall aka first year of motherhood.
It’s a scary thing to feel like you are losing yourself and this can happen without any babies entering the chat, so if you have stood on the edge of losing yourself or found yourself gone completely, I urge you to ground your purpose in an immersive creative act.
I say boldly that my YouTube channel saved my life (sounds like a clickbait title) because it’s kind of true! Without it I’m not sure I would have been at all interested in sharing my photos online because pre YouTube I wasn’t online much at all.
Social media has actually made me a happier and more purpose lead individual, which sounds insane doesn’t it? It’s allowed me to see that there are so many more people in the world that are on my wavelength than I had initially thought and all I’ve ever wanted was to be heard and feel understood. Isn’t that what we all want?
My son is a brilliant communicator but he gets extremely frustrated when we don’t understand or listen to him and I think that’s an innate human instinct. To want to connect, be seen or heard in some way and have that flow of energy between what makes up one person’s universe and another’s.
I love my child and I’m lucky to be a parent but I won’t lie and say it’s easy or nice all the time and I also won’t lie and say that it’s always conducive to a life as a creative person either.
It’s harder than I had imagined it would be and it’s not something I talk about often but I do know that many of you reading are deeply creative people that also have children or are thinking about having them, so I wanted to write about this today.
I find it helpful when people share that they aren’t kicking goals, I want to know that I’m not the only one who is struggling and sometimes, engaging in a little back and forth about collective struggle is just what we need to put things in perspective.
The truth is I would have a lot more time for various creative pursuits if I wasn’t a parent, and yeah sometimes that pisses me off, but most of the time it pushes me to make what little time I have count, and do something that feels worthwhile with it.
The purpose my child gives me in my life raises the bar for everything else and weeds out the pursuits that maybe don’t actually call to me.
I want to make an impact in the creative space the way Luca has had an impact on my life and that’s an incredibly tall order that will always have me striving to show up for people in the community in a way that feels deeper than just photos and cameras.
I’m interested to know how some of you reading found the intersection of parenting and creativity in the beginning? Or maybe you can shed light on what it’s like later down the track when they grow up?
I feel inspired by children’s natural creativity, it’s such a joy to watch when you have time to stop and really witness how they so purely follow their instincts in a way that seems to be breed out of us entirely.
It makes you ponder the systems we enter and move through as children and our societal structures that don’t always nurture and respect creativity. Maybe that’s changing or maybe it’s not, I don’t know? I do know that despite the mess and the lack of sleep and plethora of other quite difficult things children bring with them, they also add so much, but it’s not something that can be pinpointed exactly and words don’t do it justice.
Initially I wanted to write a listicle that would be helpful because I like to be functional online and not just churn out more “stuff”, but going through old negatives and reflecting on parenthood over the last 4 years just made me want to share some honest thoughts this week.
If you enjoy my writing and you want more posts, exclusive audio episodes where I continue these real and honest conversations about life as a creative then consider becoming a paid subscriber for only $5 a month.
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If you develop your own film then the easy35 is a great way to create high res digital copies of your images. Also, if you’re like me you probably have so many older sets of negatives that either were never scanned and only printed, or they were scanned, but not with the resolution and quality that can be had by using the easy35. I’m excited to use my easy35 and see what I can bring out of my archives and share with you all here.
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Thank you for pouring your heart out. It is so easy as an artist and parent to lose yourself in so many different ways. My children are 14 & 7 & I am constantly pulling myself out of the hole. And when I do, my work has suddenly evolved — has its own heart & lungs.
Love this so much, we need way more creative people chatting openly about parenthood. I have followed you for many many years and love when you post about being a mom while still trying to create. My creative biz is a side gig (photography and collage artwork) and I love when my son participates - even when it turns to a struggle. I brought him to a market to help me sell my art this year and it was great, but the last hour boy did he get grumpy 😅 BUT now he offers to come with me next time I go. I don't really have any real point here but just want to say that it's also worth it to integrate them into YOUR life too, frickin hard as it may be. I feel we have catered to kids for so long now we forgot that in reality they also need to integrate into the family system as a whole too. Which means participating in mom and dad's stuff as well...